Microsoft's Popfly Game Creator reaches Beta

While the alpha reached the ten or so silverlight users out there, Microsoft will be previewing the beta to their intriguing casual game creator at the Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) this weekend.

New features include high score tracking, 'accomplishment' badges...and Facebook integration so you can share the fun with family and friends who will either be delighted to play your game or mortified to see that you took the time to create one...

According to Microsoft, there have been a wide variety of games. 'While these projects span multiple genres, range in complexity, and vary in difficulty, they are all extraordinary games created by ordinary people', reads the press release. Did you hear that? They're calling you ordinary!

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed - Preview

I love Star Wars. It’s one of those franchises that unites every archetype of a person in the Western World. Oh, and let’s get it straight - I’m talking original trilogy here. That new stuff? My God…acting was cringe worthy, eh? It was kinda enjoyable, in some sort of sadistic way though…ANYWAYS, with a Star Wars spin-off coming in the form of a TV show, set between Episodes III and IV, it looks like the Force Unleashed may be the precursor to this forthcoming new era for the Star Wars saga.

But I’ve gotta ask something…why are they still focusing on the days of Dark Vader, Yoda, Obi-Wan and the rest? There’s a vast universe of time and space to explore within the Star Wars story! ‘The Force Unleashed’ is attempting to reveal the enigma that is the space between Episodes III and IV. Yes, there are stories and fan stories that have been there, done that. And the beautiful thing about these stories, is that when you read one of them - you know that it is a load of sh*t. But it’s good sh*t. It may not be how things went down…it may not be canon; but it’s fun to think about the World as a public domain of ideas: where people write stories about their favourite franchise, filling in the missing gaps within the story world. Like I said, they may not be canon; but they open up a World of possibilities and leave us posing many questions. I like the unknown within a known story. The saga does not need to be fully complete.

The Force Unleashed annoys me. Yes, it is canon. But, it ruins all those fan written stories. You could argue that the new movies already did that…but, you could also argue the new movies as absolute b*llocks that no-one should pay attention to if they held the originals close to their hearts.

Now, you may think that I am going to accuse LucasArts of milking the cow of a popular Star Wars character like Darth Vader. No…well, yes. Because I wonder why…WHY can they not open up a completely new era in the Star Wars franchise? Look at Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR). What a beautiful example of Star Wars coming to life outside of the ominous sound of THAT breathing apparatus. It was lovely. Rumours of Bioware‘s MMO being the next chapter in the KOTOR series are promising. Although, it is hard to believe that they will release another Star Wars MMO while Star Wars Galaxies (GAME!…in its day) still breathes - and, let‘s face it, breathing apparatus ain‘t gonna help that mess (I shed a tear for my Bounty Hunting days gone by, pre-Combat Upgrade).

But we’re here to talk about the Force Unleashed, right? Right. Sorry. Too many good memories, so much disillusion…

The Force Unleashed casts you in the role of ‘The Secret Apprentice’ aka’ ‘Starkiller’ aka. ‘Galen Marek’ aka. ‘Dr. Groovelove’: Darth Vader’s secretary (the paperwork’s dirty) and occasional assassin (the overtime’s also dirty). Okay, maybe I lied in the previous sentence; for he really is neither of these professions…and one of those aliases may be false too. He is the dude Vader sends in to clean up (think of him as…PR). And that means NO WITNESSES! *does Vader point*

The Apprentice’s dark past, and future, is to be revealed in the game. And, if for some reason you have been living under a rock with your eyes closed listening to Calvin Harris’ ‘Acceptable in the Eighties’ then you probably should sober up or go back out for another night on the town. But if for some reason you’re anal about spoilers that everyone knows, then ignore the next paragraph…

The Apprentice’s father, a fallen Jedi, spent his final days exiled in Kashyyyk - the Wookie homeworld. In the first mission of the game, you will control Vader as he wanders through Kashyyyk cutting down Wookies, attempting to gather enough hides to pass some little Dwarf dude’s quest. It’s only worth, like, 10 silver and 50 bronze - but you know Vader! It’s all about the GRIIIND and the NOOOOO! Anyways…he didn’t quite get enough fur to make it…he was p*ssed.* But thankfully, he did find a new apprentice…I’m sure you probably get the rest. Or already know that.

Because by now, I’m sure you have played the demo. It’s technically impressive. The ability to wield the dark side of the force feels very powerful. ‘Force Push’ (compulsory) and ’Force Dash’ (extra credit for goodie two shoes Jedi “poo doo”) have a limited use. The former of which is to really just push your way through big, locked metal hanger doors; while the latter gives you a temporary boost of speed, which is good for avoiding fire from enemies with bigger guns. But it’s the dark force powers which really impress here.

‘Force Lightning’ sends up a bit of a visual spectacle - and while it may feel slightly lame in the demo, there’s every right to believe it will be bolstered up by our Apprentice gaining experience from levels. Experience which can be spent on upgrading powers and learning new techniques, may I add. ’Force Grip’ is the standout power. The ability to grab a flimsy TIE fighter in a hanger, and fling it at one little rebel is quite satisfying. ^_^ < (that kind of satisfying) Oh, and you can of course choke the life out of your enemies too, which is always fun…for ten seconds.

LucasArts’ long vaunted Euphoria engine is pretty splendid too. I loved gripping a Storm Trooper (oh…psst…you’re not supposed to be leave any survivors and you have to pretend to be on nobody’s side? Got it? Lolz0rz K bye), holding him over a lone rebel soldier - himself, scrambling to his feet after I pushed his arse down. Watching our clone friend grab onto the rebel to try and get away from my death grip was impressive (maybe not as impressive as those early Euphoria videos, but satisfying nonetheless). HA! The fool…instead, he provides me with another body to fling far away and watch in glee as they fall to their deaths…yeah, it’s that face again. > ^_^ I bet you that’s how Vader looks under the mask all the time. Awesome.

The Digital Molecular Matter (DMM) technology gives the game yet another example of how free and powerful you feel while playing. Being able to force grip a girder, pull one end of it out, listen to the other end scrunch under the strain as it buckles in an attempt to remove itself from the wall, while positioning the free end so that when that damn TIE fighter comes around to shoot you it meets twisted metal IN THE FACE…*breath*…is superb. It almost makes me smile. ALMOST. Technology can be good.

But I still have my gripes, as mentioned at the top of the article. It’s milking the cow again. It has no multiplayer. At times, that free, omnipotent feeling can be ruined by obstacles such as the AT-ST seen in the demo. It’s a frustrating battle in a narrow corridor with a long fall for you if you get too close to the AT-ST. And due to the camera’s limitations, as soon as you get close enough to do battle with it, you completely miss the fact that it has a health bar above your character’s third person peripheral vision. And even though its health may be critically low; after a minute or so of attacking you might find yourself running off to try and do something else to take it down, clueless to how damn weak it is.

To finish it off, you have to get its health down low, which is followed by some quicktime button presses to perform a finishing move. Yet it wouldn’t surprise me if a sizable amount of players who slugged through the demo believed that hanging around the AT-ST long enough was how to make that appear…rather than getting its health down low. BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BLOODY SEE THE HEALTH BAR PROPERLY! Here’s hoping the issue will be on LucasArts’ last minute ‘to-do’ list, but I seriously doubt it.

It’s fun and it’s nice to look at, in a glorious tech-demo way. Whether or not the momentum can last for the full game, is something I most definitely doubt. Check back for my review next month. In the meantime, it scores…

Disillusionment out of ten:




*Attempt to be down with the kids #1: WoW references…and by now, I’m sure you notice how much I like to lay down bullsh*t too. Just keeping you on your toes…

'Horrible Histories' games in development

Privately funded and independent UK developer/publisher Slitherine have secured the rights to develop games based on the 'Horrible Histories' range of books.

Can you guess the platforms? Of course you can! It's those old favourites of casual gaming: DS, Wii and PC.

Since 1993, the series has racked up 20 million book sales worldwide and are a fiendishly good, and clever, way to introduce children to history and its complete horribleness. I was quite a fan of them back in the day...so why are they bringing them to life now when I'm all out of youthful enthusiasm? Disillusioned Gamer am sad...

'Postal' hits DVD in US

Uwe Boll's controversial 'Postal' movie hits DVD shelves today in the US. Based on the second in the series of the completely trite, but occasionally fun, Postal games - Zack Ward ('Titus') plays 'The Postal Dude', while being supported by the likes of Dave Foley ('The Wrong Guy'), Larry Thomas ('The Soup Nazi' from 'Seinfeld') and Mini Me (Verne Troyer).

The plot isn't even worth discussing. Seriously. Do expect to see Osama Bin Laden make an appearance in the movie - played by the aforementioned Soup Nazi (seriously...wtf?); and Uwe Boll makes an appearence as 'the lederhosen clad proprietor of a Bavarian, crypto-Nazi theme park'...

I need a drink. But if you still want to find out more, then watch this lovely clip to the intro of Postal from YouTube below.

Welcome!

Hello, hello. Do you miss the days of original titles like 'Alien Storm', 'Ninja Gaiden' and 'Super 3D Noah's Ark'? Then you are in the right place, friend. No adverti...eh, wait. Well, it's all free and disillusioned! Anyways, DISTRACTION! Cast your mind back first, my friends...

The year is 1990, you're wearing your shell suit with pride, Happy Mondays are blazing out of your Hi-Fi as Gazza cries along with the rest of England (while the Celts & Irish laugh). You are cool. You are original. You're sittin there competing for high scores on completely original games that are completely unique!

If none of that makes sense, then to my disillusioned brothers and sisters across the pond...

The year is 1990, you're eating a cheeseburger as you watch Douglas knocking out Tyson, then there was THAT Vinnie '0.07' Johnson shot that silenced Detroit before the man in Washington takes you to war, where CNN are back on top for a while because of THAT audio report. All the while, you don't really care as you're sittin there competing for high scores on completely original that are completely unique!

Now what do we have? Kids in hoodies, listening to their 'Radioactive Boys' and their 'G Daddies' and their 'Alarms at the Rave!' rubbish, while playing insipid new-age titles like 'Oblivion', 'Halo' and 'Resident Evil'. Completely unoriginal, but somehow they are the top of the money tree.

And they're about to ruin my image of Fallout! @rse lickers, the lot of them! I mean, that 'VATS' thing? I'm pretty sure I seen that in Space Invaders (GAME!) or something back in the day. It's just not on.

The worst of them all? That bloody Geometry Wars. How dare it cast its wind swept mullet back in the air, as it drives down retro lane, speeding past the broken down OutRun car, taking a big steamy poop in the middle of Pac-Man's lawn - who then proceeds to gobble it up on the assumption it's a bloody power pill! Wakka wakka, man, wakka wakka...

This is the start. This is going to be big. I will herald in the revolution. It's time to cast our eyes backwards, not forwards; horizontally, not vertically to a time that has been forgotten.

But since that's never gonna f'n well work, I'll just b*tch about new games instead. Perhaps I'll find something I like about them. You never know. Quite liked that new Sonic the Hedgehog on the 360. That's how you hit back to the past while still being original. Sonic floating through walls, clipping into stuff - GAME! Mate, it's awesome. Buy it.